How I’ll be Celebrating Mother’s Day

So, it’s my first Mother’s Day with Baby E out of the womb. I’ve been trying to decide how to celebrate this occasion, and from what I can gather here’s the lowdown on Mother’s Day:

If you want to spend the morning with your family and the day doing something for yourself, you hate your kids.

If you want to spend the entire day away, say at the spa or with the girls, you really hate your kids.

If you want to spend the day with your family, you’re lying and want to appear better than everyone else.

If you want to have a romantic evening with your husband, and not deny all sexual advances on the one day a year you’re definitely supposed to, you’re a doormat.

If you prefer feeling appreciated with gifts, you’re selfish and expect pay for services rendered as mom.

If you have any notion that a drink (or a few) is in order, you’re a lush.

If you want someone else to take on the diaper changes, laundry and KP duties for the day you really, really hate your kids.

In light of this information, I will happily be celebrating Mother’s Day thinking I’m better than you, while being a selfish booze hound doormat who may or may not hate her child. Happy Mother’s Day!

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